In the animal kingdom, males are typically brighter and more colorful. The males are trying to prove to the ladies that they have good genes, they are disease free, and they can escape predators.
Larger males can win contests against other males also proving their good genes. Though the males show off, it is the female's choice when she ultimately makes a decision. It is possible for a female to reject all males and choose none.
Differences in size and coloration indicate that there is female choice, the female will choose a male to fertilize her eggs and in most cases, his job is done, and she leaves to finish the baby-forming process. All she wanted was his genes.
When a large group of organisms all spawn at the same time, the organisms rely on luck and statistical chance for genetic variation. Males and females will look similar because there is no choice involved.
When males and females work together and take an equal role in raising young or protecting eggs, the males and females tend to look more similar. They look similar because of their equal roles and because the choice is longer-lasting. She is looking for more than just a pretty face (and pretty faces in the animal world do not indicate good egg care or being able to provide nesting materials, food, etc).
Differences in size between males and females varies widely. There is no set rule for who will be bigger, but there is usually a clear reason as to why one of them is bigger. Males can be bigger because they fight other males, because they have to guard eggs, or other reasons. Females can be bigger because they have to carry and nourish a fetus, carry and develop eggs, protect babies, or other reasons. To know why a male is bigger or a female is bigger the biology and reproductive strategies have to be understood.
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